Hello dear friends, family, strangers, and random people I haven’t talked to since who knows when!
Just about every few days I have a great blog post come to my mind. I had plans to write a blog about the good, the bad, and everything in between a little over a year ago. However, I did not realize that I was not mentally prepared to write about the reality that seemed to haunt me when we moved back to Nashville.
My mom’s Alzheimer’s was a complete shock, yet it finally has given me understanding as to why her behavior has been so odd. This has been one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced… When I was 16 years old, I confessed that Jesus Christ is my Savior and was baptized. Y’all, I love Jesus. He has done so much for me. I know that He has led me to many great experiences and has given me many blessings. Even though I always knew He was the Savior of the world, my stressed out and sorrowful heart had never accepted Him as the Prince of Peace–My Prince of Peace. Watching my mom’s mortal body not support her sweet spirit inside has been heart-wrenching, and anything but peaceful. Despite my happy and thriving marriage, I was extremely depressed. Despite my anguishing cries to the Lord, my heart seemed to have a void. I kept praying for the Lord to fix my mom and to fix me. That didn’t work. I would feel peace here and there but it wasn’t constant. I finally started studying more about prayer. The Bible Dictionary says, “Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other.” I began to change my petition to my Heavenly Father and asked Him to help me align my will with His. Little by little my weak heart began to be strengthened. I noticed certain people that were placed on my path that were willing to help me with words of encouragement and counsel. I even stumbled across a powerful quote on Pinterest by Wendy Watson Nelson: “If you find that you are increasingly anxious about many things, ask for the gift of peace. His peace surpasseth all understanding and cuts through the fear of every situation.” After months of applying counsel and studying the scriptures and words of the prophets, the darkness that was weighing down my heart was replaced by light. My message is that if you are struggling with ANYthing, reach out to the Lord to understand His will. Don’t ask Him to just fix you and the problem. I feel like if the Lord only did that then we would miss out on precious and sacred learning opportunities. The fixing happens when we align our will with His and apply His words to our lives. I still don’t know all of the other lessons I will learn during this trial with my mom. So for now, I will cling tightly to the two greatest things that I have learned so far: 1) My mom and all of us will one day be resurrected with a perfect body and mind. She will once again have coherent conversations full of laughter and love. THANKS BE TO JESUS CHRIST. 2) During hard times the Savior endows us with a peace beyond understanding. What a magnificent Helper we have in this mortal life. <3